Opening segment
- The Dogs of War -- whose name is the Dogs of War, say they didn't need a neat nickname to be the best stable in the world.
- They have Dolph Ziggler throw to video. This is still so lame.
- They put each other over time and time and again, which leads to Braun Strowman laughing. This is an amazing waste of seven minutes.
- The Shield come out without Dean Ambrose and say they're alive and well. I can't tell you how much of a waste of time this opening segment is.
- WE'RE GETTING A WORLD CUP QUALIFIER RIGHT NOW YEAH!
World Cup Qualifying Match
Seth Rollins defeated Drew McIntyre (w/ Dolph Ziggler) via countout
5.75/10
- Rollins huracanranas McIntyre outside, but eats a belly-to-belly on the floor.
- McIntyre slips under the ring when Ziggler causes a distraction, and Rollins gets yanked into the apron.
- We return from commercial to see Rollins land a superkick. He gets two on a victory roll off of the reverse Alabamaslam, now known as the SLAMMABAMA.
- Drew gets hung up, but still grabs Rollins for the super choke toss. He also counters a Superplex by doing his own Falcon Arrow.
- Dean Ambrose comes out and neutralizes Ziggler. Drew McIntyre gets counted out.
- Dean Ambrose asks Reigns and Rollins if they think he's just good for laughs backstage. More likes accuses them.
Ember Moon & Nia Jax defeated Dana Brooke & Tamina
4.5/10
- Tamina just shows up on the apron, hanging out as Dana Brooke's opponent.
- They make a bunch of announcements in the middle of this match. Then Tamina heaves Ember across the ring.
- Never forget when Tamina compared her faceoff with Nia at the Rumble to Hogan/Andre. She's still not very good in the ring, but she does an impressive Samoan drop on Nia.
- Dana eats the SQUISHER and an Eclipse. Pin.
- Tamina comes back and....Ember tries to break them up for some reason. Nia gets attacked and then Tamina and Ember look at each other and eliminate Nia BECAUSE THAT'S HOW BATTLE ROYALS WORK.
- Ember tried on Tamina, but got caught. Then Dana eliminated both. They couldn't get out of this segment quick enough. Holy cow.
Rousey and the Bellas
- Somber Ronda is super sad about the turn the Bella Twins did last week.
- How could the Bella throw away WEEKS of friendship!?
- The Bellas come out and call Rousey a loser who doesn't deserve it. They tout meaning "diva" mean something and their reality shows. This will play well with their crowd.
- Rousey accuses the Bellas of taking their men's movesets and using them to get ahead. She says the Divas era made her sick.
- Rousey says she's more than a "pretty face with a deadly body." She calls them DNBs-- DO NOTHING BELLAS.
- What 15 year old virgin wrote this promo?
- What is the female equivalent to a dick measuring contest? That's what is going on.
- I can't believe this turdy promo is getting any real reaction.
- Rousey says she knocks down doors, and they only door Bella knocked down was the one to Cena's bedroom, and he kicked her out of that. That was a good line, but the ten minutes that led up to it was forced.
- There will be a subset of the audience that will dig in, sure, but I think it's tone deaf this day and age to have your babyfaces pretending the Bellas are lazy or that The Miz "isn't tough."
World Cup Qualifying Match
Dolph Ziggler defeated Dean Ambrose
5.25/10
- I speak a lot of Ambrose adding to his offense. Fallaway Slam and the Texas Cloverleaf are additions. As is the Glam Slam
- There's a super facebuster from Ziggler, and Ambrose lands a little awkwardly, but all is well.
- Ziggler gets front suplexed off the top rope and Drew McIntyre interrupts. Rollins makes the save, but Ambrose pushes Rollins out of the way
- Ambrose eats a superkick and gets pinned coming back in. Really, that was on Ambrose.
- Rollins tries to explain himself, but Ambrose pushes him and storms out. They get into a pushing contest on the stage and Reigns comes out to get in between them.
- Baron Corbin comes out and says he wants to fix this problem and books The Shield vs. Dogs of War tonight.
Finn Balor (w/ Bayley) defeated Jinder Mahal (w/ Singh Bros & Alicia Fox)
SQUASH
- Samir Singh is back. Great news.
- Balor gets a basement dropkick and a Slingblade. Coup de Grace, win.
- Jinder Mahal was WWE Champion under a year ago. Occasionally people will still hit my mentions and pretend that project worked.
- Lio Rush and Bobby Lashley come out and Lio Rush says Lashley looks and smells really good.
Bobby Lashley (w/ Lio Rush) defeated Tyler Breeze
SQUASH
- Lashley poses a lot.
- Every enziguri is a step up enziguri to Michael Cole. Tyler Breeze gets one.
- Lashley with a vertical suplex and a full nelson.
- Lashley wins with a Yokosuka Cutter. We'll call it the Deposit since they won't name it.
- There was no reaction here. This sucked.
What?
- Lita and Trish Stratus are interrupted by Mickie James and Alexa Bliss.
- Lita wants us to remember she was in ECW for a few months.
- Trish and Lita get a smattering of applause for their Allen Iverson PRACTICE reference.
- THEY WANNA FIGHT. The heels don't. That's it.
Handicap Match
AOP (w/ Drake Maverick) defeated Los Conquistador
SQUASH
- Roode and Gable put over Kurt Angle's vacation gear before their match. Angle dances off with No Way Jose. Corbin shows up and says he's putting Angle in a handicap match against AOP.
- Angle doesn't have his gear, so he's out there in the Conquistador outfit.
- This is a mess. The Conquistador fumbles around and can't do an Ankle Lock.
- Corey Graves isn't sold.
- Suplex/Powerbomb wins it for AOP.
- It's not Angle. He appears on the stage and Angle Slams Corbin.
- Cole pops Graves with a "Fear and Loathing in Philadelphia" line.
Natalya (w/ Sasha Banks & Bayley) defeated Ruby Riott (w/ Riott Squad) via DQ
5/10
- Riott Squad trolls Bayley and sprays ketchup and mustard on Natalya's locker room door.
- Natalya has brought help in the form of Bayley and a returning Sasha Banks.
- The work in this is fundamentally sound as you'd expect from these two.
- Riott slaps Natalya and gets locked in a Sharpshooter. Logan runs in for the DQ, and the babyfaces dispose of the Riott Squad.
- This was lame.
Apollo and Elias
- Elias berates a stagehand yet again.
- He says that he had lunch with Carson Wentz, who says true pain is pretending you like Philly.
- Apollo Crews interrupts and says that he thought he could interrupt Elias since everyone else does it.
- Elias says he's heard Apollo is talented, but has never seen it.
- Apollo beats him up.
- Shocker that a guy that was brought up for no reason and marginalized for two and a half years isn't getting a reaction. Hopefully that changes for Apollo
The Shield defeated The Dogs of War
5.75/10
- Backstage, Braun says that if Ziggler or McIntyre screw up tonight, they're gonna "GET THESE HANDS."
- There is some miscommunication on The Shield's side, and Reigns ends up getting worked over.
- Drew McIntyre forcibly tags himself back in after Strowman gets Samoan dropped. A Claymore Zig Zag's pin is broken up.
- Reigns catches Drew off the top rope and his Shield brothers clean house.
- Ambrose gets Dirty Deeds on McIntyre, but Ziggler shoves Rollins into the pin.
- Rollins and Ambrose argue, and Ambrose actually kicks Rollins and tries to do Dirty Deeds. Ziggler pushes them into each other.
- Why? Why wouldn't Ziggler just let them implode? A Zig Zag gets a 2.9.
- SUPER MAN PUNCH CITY. Drew accidentally Claymores Strowman, who had been posted (as is tradition).
- Spear from Reigns on McIntyre, Shield Powerbomb on Ziggler for the win.
- Strowman powerslams Ziggler, and McIntyre flies through the air and takes him out with a Claymore. Braun sold it like a million bucks.
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5.The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
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