Ladies and gentleman, it’s time to celebrate. Why? Well tomorrow marks the official, one year anniversary of this very report card. It’s been a…tumultuous journey but one filled with memorable moments both good and bad. Considering that, this week I’ll be counting down my very own TOP 10 REPORT CARD MOMENTS LIST. Yes, I’ve done this joke and gimmick multiple times before but look, I’ve reviewed over 10 Lacey Evans matches, just let me have some fun for once. In all seriousness, I’ve spent all week planning tonight’s party and for that reason, this week’s NXT is a mystery to me.
On the other hand, everything is perfectly in place. Our red cups are filled, the Wesley Blake highlights are rolling and best of all, our brand new Alexa Bliss standee is positioned neatly against the wall. If you look closely though, you’ll find a small VIP section in the room’s dimly lit corner. It’s there you’ll find me, sat gleefully next to my old mate Andrade ‘Cien’ Almas with some champagne placed in front of us. Compared to our past conquests, tonight will be a quiet one…a muted celebration of all our shared achievements. It really is an honor to have King Almas come to London for this occasion, and I’m glad that Road Dogg Jesse James could work around it for his SmackDown debut too.
With all that great stuff said, let’s reluctantly head to Full Sail and briefly delay this great event. Oh and one last thing: I have a small surprise gift for you all but that’ll be announced later.
DISCLAIMER: any wild predictions I make that you disagree with will likely be proven completely wrong in the coming weeks, months and years anyway so don’t worry too much. Basically, take everything you read from this point forward with a grain of salt as its credibility is preposterously low.
REPORT CARD MOMENT #10: Roddy and Roode make Joe very emotional, and wrestle like it's the good old days! (7/5/17)
Levels of Manliness Discussed
We start this week’s episode with the wonderful sound of Johnny Gargano’s triumphant theme. Mr Wrestling isn’t here though. Instead, it’s a smug Tommaso Ciampa, celebrating his recent actions. He claims that because he’s destroyed Johnny, he wins….fair and accurate. However, this talk has brought out Candice LeRae who looks very sad. She snatched the mic and asked who Ciampa is. Now come on, I know that the entrance fake-out was a little confusing but even still, he’s Tommaso Ciampa ma’am, the guy that’s ruined your husband’s life.
In fairness, it seems that Candice may have indeed known this after all, as she suddenly remembered Ciampa’s name before calling out his obsession with bullying them. She says that Ciampa is broken and calls him a monster. Ciampa is unmoved by this until LeRae claims that Johnny was better than him. This understandably enraged Tommaso and forced him to get mean, saying that Johnny isn’t half the man that he is. He even went as far as saying that Candice has always been more of a man than Johnny…my god.
Eventually, this truth forced Candice to slap Ciampa but Tommaso opted out, waving good-bye and leaving. Good segment, even if perhaps slightly underwhelming.
Grade: B
REPORT CARD MOMENT #9: In the midst of a panic, Joe reviews Alexa Bliss' No Mercy ad...even though it had absolutely nothing to do with NXT. (8/23/17)
Lacey Evans
Good lord, and I thought I was being funny in the intro….well, this backfired. Time to review another Lacey Evans’ match I guess. She’s taking on Brandi Lauren here, who apparently is a big Arn Anderson fan. Wow, this really is an emotional night for me. I must say though that jokes (and that new entrance theme) aside, Lacey came across strongly here. She was committing to the portrayal of arrogance in a big way and it translated to a rather engaging performance I thought.
Offense-wise she looked good too, going straight to work and hitting her buckle buster and slingshot elbow drop. She then hit a genuinely impressive middle rope moonsault but rather than going for a pin, picked Lauren up and simply punched her in the face. I thought she projected like a star throughout here and in that sense, this may have been her best showing yet.
Nonetheless, as Evans headed to the back, Kairi Sane jumped her. She then dragged Evans to the ring but Evans bailed before she could hit the elbow drop. Fine stuff after a strong performance from Lacey. I guess my silliness served as some kind of motivation…yep, that’s totally what happened here.
Grade: B+
REPORT CARD MOMENT #8: Joe dedicates time to celebrate Arn Anderson's birthday...however, he's tragically one day late. (9/20/17)
Following this, we got a recap of last week’s segment involving Ricochet and The Velveteen Dream. This led to Aleister Black talking about both potential challengers briefly.
Dakota Kai was talking to the media up next. She spoke about Nikki Cross as well as strength and conditioning before Cross emerged with her phone. She asked Kai when she’d fight Baszler and told her that she must face her fear and fight…very scary.
REPORT CARD MOMENT #7: Whilst in NOLA, Joe becomes very emotional about professional wrestling...and then writes about it. (TakeOver: New Orleans)
Velveteen Dream
It’s time for The Dream’s clash with Ricochet now and the crowd is unsurprisingly hot for this one. Dream gained an early advantage here and swiveled his hips but Ricochet soon returned the favor. They then continued to fight over position until a wacky sequence sent Ricochet to the floor. Ricochet rebounded with a dropkick though, forcing another stalemate that made for an awesome stare-down. After this, we saw a “MALFUNCTION AT THE JUNCTION” (thanks Mauro) that left both men floored.
Suddenly, the crowd began to boo. Why? Because Lars Sullivan was here and quickly murdered both men. He did so emphatically to big heat and this was awesome. As for the match, Dream looked great as always and this was super fun while it lasted.
Grade: A
REPORT CARD MOMENT #6: After being very mean, Joe quotes himself and takes full credit for a good Ember Moon promo. He then rapidly transitions into becoming a full-blown super fan. (8/16/17)
Ricochet
This wasn't a long match so there isn’t too much else for me to cover here. Ricochet is very good at wrestling and his work is always extraordinarily smooth. He’s been a fun addition to NXT thus far and this run is going very smoothly without being overdone or overcomplicated. Instead, they are simply allowing Ricochet to do his thing whilst adding some tiny character stuff throughout. Ideal really as it maintains his buzz and also introduces him to new fans. Smart.
Grade: A
REPORT CARD MOMENT #5: Joe writes a lengthy love letter about Andrade 'Cien' Almas vs. Johnny Wrestling 2. (TakeOver: Philadelphia)
Kona Reeves
More in-ring action up now as the…polarizing (?) Kona Reeves takes on Raul Mendoza. According to Percy Watson, he’s been upgraded here and is wearing some new snazzy clothing. Speaking of such, I always assault Percy’s words in this series but tonight feels like a good time to turn the tables. Mr Nigel McGuinness, I admire you and frankly, I love you but sir, “flashes of The Rock” was a comment here that sadly, you’ll never get back.
Regardless, nice heat for big Kona here who was immediately much more relaxed this time around. His facials were more controlled too whilst still being pretty effective. I appreciated that his work was immediately vicious too, as he snatched the arm violently, soon going to work with stomps in the corner. A suplex followed as well as that weird reverse elbow drop that this week, was thankfully represented as less dangerous/important.
Mendoza eventually fired back briefly, landing some sharp strikes until Reeves kicked him out the air, soon pinning him with a ‘Hawaiian Drop’. Better showing this week and I continue to admire some of the aspects Reeves is trying to capture here, he’s making a real effort with ‘the little things’ and that’s much appreciated. He could do with a better finish though, that’s for sure.
Grade: C+
REPORT CARD MOMENT #4: Joe lists his Top 10 NXT Moments Of All Time, the results are...controversial. (7/5/17)
Cathy Kelley is talking to us now and she found herself in the middle of a Velveteen Dream – Ricochet confrontation. They both want to wrestle Lars…bad call pal.
After this, Heavy Machinery were talking about steaks. They then bumped into TM61 who they rightly called cheaters. Following a fat joke, the teams then seemingly agreed to match for next week…wow, TM61 are full blown meanies now.
REPORT CARD MOMENT #3: After being enraged by opinionated fans, Joe parties with 'Cien' in Brighton. (6/8/17 Live Event)
Oney Lorcan, Danny Burch & Pete Dunne
Main event time now folks as we get some 6-man tag team action. Dunne was focused in his rage here early, avoiding Strong’s t-shirt throwing bait before Burch and O’Reilly got us officially started. Unsurprisingly, some tight grappling exchanges then commenced and this was immediately good stuff. After getting an advantage, Danny invited Kyle up to his feet but O’Reilly asked for more grappling instead. This made Nigel look incredibly smart as he’d literally just got done pointing out their stylistic contrast.
Either way, Kyle quickly took control, bringing in Cole who went right to work. Burch was now isolated which gave Ruthless Roddy time to taunt Dunne a little. Unfortunately for the great Roddy, Dunne was soon tagged in and run wild, making Strong pay with a vicious hot tag. This led to a trifecta of…finger snaps that forced The Era to regroup. They did just that, outsmarting Dunne to take over once again.
Dunne then sold for the next portion of the match but he eventually fought free, bringing in Oney who run wild with huge chops and some insane offense that included a ridiculous dive over the top. This man rules. Burch then floored Roddy with a lariat but Cole broke the fall only to be sent flying by Dunne. Things then broke down and The Era began to beat on Burch but he somehow survived, cleared the ring and put a cross-face on O’Reilly.
As The Era then tried to break the hold, both were caught in submissions themselves. Roddy eventually pushed free though, halting all holds. Cole and Dunne then took each other out, allowing for a big tag team brawl. A miscue cost the Era though, with O’Reilly inadvertently hitting Strong to allow Oney to blockbuster both. A wheelbarrow DDT came next and to everyone’s shock, DANNY BURCH PINNED KYLE O’REILLY. A Brit prospering on anniversary night…tremendous.
In all seriousness, Danny deserves all the opportunities he gets and I couldn’t be happier for him. This main event was awesome and the babyface trio was a big part of that. Great energy and physicality throughout with a perfect upset finish. Delightful.
Grade: A*
REPORT CARD MOMENT #2: Excited by his random television return, Joe celebrates Wesley Blake in almost unfathomable fashion. I don't believe he's been seen since...(5/24/17)
The Undisputed Era
I’ve already covered this match in quite some detail so without repeating myself, I have to say that The Era were absolutely excellent here. I enjoy that Cole has a different in-ring feel to the others, less technical but more cunning. Their work as a faction during the heat was incredibly refreshing either way, with immense aggression coming from all three men. They were a well-oiled machine here and a nasty, vicious one at that.
Moreover, their tenacity whilst containing Dunne was magnificent and Roddy hit a cool backbreaker down the stretch too. That always makes me happy. Cole could lose every week and still be over which is an element that I’d imagine will successfully carry over to his stablemates too. This performance solidified my recent progression with this act, they really have been growing on me. It all feels more organic as of late and their in-ring approach here truly put a smile on my face. Great stuff.
Grade: A*
Final Thoughts
Well, I’m happy to report that this was an incredibly enjoyable hour of NXT TV. There was good stuff scattered throughout and with the main event, this episode was elevated a whole new level rather swiftly. Kona Reeves and Lacey Evans got short showcases and with the opening segment, the promotion’s main angle was smoothly furthered. In Ricochet – Dream, we got a teaser of what could potentially be just around the corner and more than that, we got a segment that earned Lars tremendous heat. All in all, a very strong episode of NXT for sure.
Grade: B+
REPORT CARD MOMENT #1: Andrade 'Cien' Almas Finally Becomes King Almas, proving Joe as a genuine genius. (TakeOver: Toronto)
It feels fitting that after all the silliness, I finish this obscene edition with a more genuine point. Though my shenanigans here may portray it as otherwise, I'm aware that this series isn't some kind of revolutionary piece of content. It's a standard format used everywhere by a whole range of writers to cover a whole range of shows. However, I have to say that I've been blown away by some of the support I've got for this wacky series and for the last 12 months, it's been an absolute pleasure to produce. I hope that even if the insight has been minimal, these things have been at the very least, mildly entertaining every once in awhile.
As a thank you, I'm happy to announce that starting next Tuesday, I'll also be bringing you a 205 Live Report Card every single week. Why? Because I'm an absolute mad man that just loves grading his pro rasslin' shows.
Thank you friends, here's to another year...hopefully!
