It’s often so easy to become lost in the 24/7 nature of the professional wrestling news cycle and the corresponding storm of crazy that inevitably encompasses it on social media. I think it’s important to remember the reason we all started watching this wild and wonderful thing of ours in the first place as well. Because whether in large ways or small, it simply makes us happy. With each column, I’ll shine a light on something or someone in the wide world of professional wrestling that is creating smiles out of thin air. Care to join me?
Let’s talk about the power of nipples in professional wrestling. It’s certainly something I didn’t have on my BINGO card for 2022. How about you? Then again, when it comes to “Daddy Magic” Matt Menard and “Cool Hand Ange” Angelo Parker, I rarely have any expectation or idea as to what may or may not escape their mouths on any given day.
Always quick to describe what turns his nipples into weapons so potent they could well cut glass; Menard isn’t shy when it comes to the mic, or a fight as it so happens. He hands out “tastes” – of his rage, not his nipples (that would be a very different show on a very different channel) – as quickly as anyone in the locker room. Name and career decoration be damned, a sports entertainer will not be looked down upon or disrespected on his watch.
The excitement that comes along with said bouts would make any one of us perk up in a stiff cool breeze, as it has before I feel confident in saying. When it comes to our nipples, collective or otherwise, I won’t dare assume, but I don’t have to. Daddy Magic has enough confidence and sheer unadulterated, let’s call it, “energy” for us all.
An absolute undeniable coup for the company since signing last summer, Menard and Parker have forged a path in AEW to be admired. Whether joined with Daniel Garcia or aligned with the Jericho Appreciation Society, these two leave no smile unattended whenever they get the chance to showcase their unique talents.
Wrestling is all about shine. That’s a fairly stripped down way to describe simply “getting over,” but my point remains the same. There is no singular way to shine in professional wrestling, especially on television. No two people seem to grasp this fact more than our two favorite sports entertainers.
Time is limited for any roster, but it is especially so in All Elite Wrestling, what with their monstrous mountain of ridiculously gifted talent each scratching and clawing for chances to shine on just three hours of television every week. Yet, Menard and Parker have been regulars since the jump.
So, what’s their secret?
Heck if I know, but they sure as hell have one. They’ve found their unique niche and have parleyed that into a highlighted spot entertaining the masses. Regardless of their status as heels, the pride in their work can be felt through the screen. They live for this, and if they can make a few of us smile while they get to live their literal dreams, well I think that’s largely just a bonus.
Wrestling can be many things to many people. It’s part of what makes this thing of ours so unbelievably beautiful. I understand if their schtick isn’t for you. It certainly can be a little overwhelming at times, but you can never deny their passion. Ever.
Sports entertainers. Professional wrestlers. Superstars. Or whatever else they may call themselves today or beyond. It’s all one in the same at the end of the day. You want to know what makes my nipples hard?
People with unbridled passion. People whose smiles make you feel something deep down inside. People who take joy in spreading joy.
Hey, what did you expect me to say?! Perverts. Fightful is a PG website. You want sexual fantasies and tree semen; you’re barking up the wrong apple tree.
In Matt Menard and Angelo Parker, I see two of the most intelligent and innovative wrestlers in the entire business today, both for what they bring to it and what they take from it. Special, special talents.
If you haven’t yet lined up to get a taste, what are you waiting for?! You owe your nipples that much.
I like to end these special columns as graciously and as simply as possible.
So, to Daddy Magic and Cool Hand Ange. Thank you for the smiles this week. Here’s to many more.
